I'm Still Here
by megsie777
Summary: Short song fic to 'I'm Still Here' by John Rzeznik. Harry's thoughts on the wizarding world and himself.


I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms  
  
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Am I allowed to ask questions now or am I expected to know all the answers? There is so much going on in the wizard world at the moment, can I admit I don't know all the answers? I am to save this world. but still so much is kept from me. Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, they're all keeping it from me, as they did last summer. Even Sirius did it to some extent. I am in the middle of all this conflict and they allow me to get swept up in its confusion. They don't think of me as a person, but more a force that can lead them to victory. I am The-Boy-who-Lived, nothing more.  
  
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What do you think you'd ever say? I won't listen anyway You don't know me, And I'll never be what you want me to be  
  
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Dumbledore thinks he can fix everything with the little speeches he gives me. He thinks I'm the perfect little boy, James and Lilly's son, no parents, but has grown into a fine young man. He doesn't understand what it is like for me. Just because my parents died before I could know them doesn't mean I shouldn't feel any loss for what was taken from me. You don't just forget that you've never had that security and guidance that a parent gives. There will always be a time in the day when I wish they were here. And the one person who was starting to fill the little void I've felt all my life has been stolen from me. I never even had a chance to tell him what he meant to me. I never had a chance to tell him who I am. I know he cared for me, but he didn't know me. He wanted me to be James and that was what he tricked himself into seeing.  
  
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And what do you think you'd understand I'm a boy - No, I'm a man  
  
You can't take me and throw me away  
  
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They think they understand me. Hermione looks at me and she tries to anlayse a way to make everything better, like I'm sort of potion she can manipulate to her will. Ron gives me a pat on the back and tells me I'll pull through, like I always do. How much more can I take before it all crumbles away? I've seen too much. How much more can I take? No matter how well a building is built, there comes a time when it will fall.  
  
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And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah you stand here on your own They don't know me 'Cause I'm not here  
  
And I want a moment to be real Wanna touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on and feel I belong And how can the world want me to change They're the ones that stay the same They don't know me 'Cause I'm not here  
  
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I stand here, on this pillar that everyone puts me on, alone. Everything is up to me. My life has been decided. I will be murdered or be a murderer. This prophecy has changed everything. I am no longer like my friends. Before I heard this prophecy I guess I did feel different to everyone else. Oh hell, I was different. I suppose I should have expected something like this, this has just confirmed it. Deep down I always knew my destiny, now knowing it, I can't go back to the way things were before. I want to with all my heart. I want to go back to last year when all I was worried about was the Triwizard Tournament. It was so nerve-wracking then but now seems so trivial. And Sirius was there then.  
  
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And you see the things they never see All you wanted I could be Now you know me and I'm not afraid And I want to tell you who I am Can you help me be a man They can't break me As long as I know who I am  
  
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The person who knows me the closest would have to be Dumbledore. This is not a good thing, everything he knows was stolen from me, through his ability to read my thoughts. What Dumbledore doesn't realise is that I'm not as strong as he thinks I am. Sure, Voldemort has marked me as an equal, but Dumbledore himself admitted my weakness. I care too much. All these people who know so little about me are all I have. Protecting them is the only thing that keeps me here. I often wonder why I care so much about these people and yet can confide in them so little. The answer is yet to be found.  
  
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And I want a moment to be real Wanna touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on and feel I belong How can the world want me to change They're the ones that stay the same They can't see me But I'm still here  
  
They can't tell me who to be 'Cause I'm not what they see Yeah the world is still sleepin' While I keep on dreamin' for me And their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe  
  
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My only choice now is to stay here and do what they expect of me. How, I do not know, but to leave would create too much hurt for them. When I say leave I wonder where I would go. Probably abroad. No doubt they would try to find me, but if I am as powerful as Dumbledore says I am, I'm sure I could hide from them. That, however, is not something I can do. My weakness is forcing me to stay and protect the wizard world. If I do defeat Voldemort, what would happen to me then? All the time I've been at Hogwarts has been concentrating on getting to the next year. If Voldemort were gone, I would have this odd freedom that I can't even imagine. I don't think I will ever feel free from him, he has done too much to me just to forget him after he's dead. I'll probably turn into a bitter man who once defeated the most powerful dark wizard in the world. The people will forget who I am. I will have done my task and will be lost from their memories.  
  
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And I want a moment to be real Wanna touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on and feel I belong And how can they say I'll never change They're the ones that stay the same I'm the one now 'Cause I'm still here I'm the one 'Cause I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here  
  
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Would love if a few of you would review this, it is my first fic and I would love to know how I went. 


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